Whoever said that the 2 week wait was the worst part was not lying. I took it easy last week. I did get up and do some things but for the most part tried to lay down. Eric kept telling me to go lay down but I was getting bored and antsy. He has been great. He has been cooking and cleaning and totally pampering me (which is what he does all the time so it wasn't that different!). He has been helping me with the shots. We have a system going where I insert the needle and because it is progesterone in oil and thick he injects it. I'm very proud of him. There were a few times where I was bleeding quite a bit and it didn't even phase him. Usually you say the word blood and he's down on the ground! So we conquered his fear in this process!
The waiting is torture. I have been cramping on and off and it is very unsettling. I keep thinking my cycle is about to start and wonder if I didn't lay down enough or did something wrong. I called the nurse a couple of times (yes, this has made me paranoid) and she reassures me that cramping can be normal. She said for as many people who cramp there are just as many who do not. I have to remind myself of all that my body has gone through from the retrieval to the transfer. I am hoping that the cramping is due to the embryos implanting and keep telling Eric that maybe all THREE are digging in. I don't know if I would feel more unsettled if I didn't feel anything. I'm just very nervous about the phone call on Friday with our results.
I have to say that I don't think I could have made it through this without the support of friends, family and Eric. Even when talking with others going through it we never talk about the impact that it has on those around us. I have seen relationships fall apart because it is so taxing. It becomes such an act month after month and it is hard not to let it consume you and take over. It definitely takes away any spontaneity in the romance department when everything is planned sometimes hour by hour! I truly believe that while it has challenged Eric and I it has only helped to make our bond that much stronger. I know it has been difficult for Eric to understand the emotions that I've felt. When it's not your body going through it I can imagine it is hard to completely understand. He is not one for emotion and many times I've called him "the wall". His gut reaction if I am crying is to make me stop because it makes him uncomfortable and uneasy that he can't take my pain away. But at the same time he has held my hand this whole time and has been my rock. I am truly grateful for him. We continue to nourish our relationship and I am thankful that we have made it to where we are today.
I am off for this week and plan on taking it easy. I went to acupuncture again today and she said if I feel cramping to take it easy and lay down. Hopefully it is a good sign and in a few days I'll know for sure.
I am so thankful for all the well wishes sent my way. This is what has helped me on my journey...thank you.........

I got the call this morning that the embryologist did not suggest waiting to day 5 and they wanted to do the transfer this morning. I had to empty my bladder and start drinking a liter of water. For those of you who know me well this was torture. I have the bladder of an 80 year old and the thought of not being able to go made me more nervous...thus, having to go even more! So we made it to the doctor's office at 9:15. The nurse checked my bladder to make sure it was full and it was! The dr. then came in with a picture of my embryos. There were 2 that were 7 cells and 1 that was 8cells. They were also grade 1. They also had 2 that were 5 cells and 1 that was 7 cells along with one that they were continuing to watch. They are freezing the 3 and possibly the fourth. The dr. asked how many we wanted to transfer. Eric wanted to do 2 but I thought since we came this far I wanted to do all 3 and we did. The process went smoothly. It definitely was uncomfortable due to the full bladder but it was manageable. The real waiting now begins. I go on Oct. 3 for the bloodtest that will tell if it worked! They said my lining looked good so they just need to implant. I know they can do it!!! I go again for acupuncture tomorrow and Thursday to help with my lining and implantation. :)

The embryologist called this morning. I have 3 follicles with 2 cells, 3 with 4 cells and 1 with 5 cells. They like to see them at 6-8 before transfer. I am tentatively scheduled for tomorrow morning for the transfer but they need to see what they will do overnight. Hopefully the ones that are 4 will be 8 and the one that is 5 will be 10. Still the waiting game. I went to acupuncture tonight which is supposed to help relax your uterus and assist with implantation. I've even gotten my mom to go to help with her back pain. Won't know much until they call in the morning.
Started the progesterone shots. I decided to just do it myself because I knew I needed to control the needle which is this big -------------------- and thick rather than have Eric or my mom do it. It is sore on my right side but tonight I did my left side and had no problems. I think the key is NOT icing it first because it is sesame oil and thick. Not icing helps to dissipate it better.
Still crossing my fingers, trying to be positive and nurturing my body the best I can! Time will tell!

The retrieval went well. I was definitely nervous the night before and the morning of but I think the anticipation was the worst. I was out for about 10 minutes. The dr. was able to retrieve 11 eggs. The embryologist called this morning and out of the 11 eggs 8 of them were mature. They all fertilized which she said was good that I had a 100% fertilization rate. The 8th one that fertilized though fertilized abnormally so I am working with 7. They have split so they continue to watch them over the next day. I'm not all that sure about this process and what has to occur. I think they have to continue to divide. They will call me tomorrow with an update and if there is a transfer it will be either Tuesday or Thursday. It is hard for them to tell me anything concrete because they don't know what will transpire but she said my age is a good factor. I am hoping that out of the 7 I will have at least 2 to transfer back. I'll go to acupuncture the night before the transfer and then the 2 days after it. She said it helps relax the uterus which helps with implantation.
Tonight I start the progesterone shot which I am stressing about big time! Even after everything I've put my body through you'd think this wouldn't scare me. The needle is just so enormous compared to others I've done and it has to go into your butt muscle. The size of the needle is enough to make me cry, 1 1/2 inches and it is a thick needle! I talked to the nurse. She said the first time is nerve wracking but most find once they do it they are ok. I've talked to others...they say it hurts. I know this is the next step in the process and I want to know I did all I could. I was going to have Eric or my mom administer it but I think I'd be more tense not knowing when it was going to go in. I'm going to try and do it myself. Hopefully it won't hurt...too much!

What a difference a day makes! I should have listened to Eric when he said calm down and don't stress out. I went this morning and my follicles went from 10mm to between 14 and 18mm. I have about 5 on my left side and 2 small ones on my right side (this side never seems to react to the stims the same way). This explains all the discomfort I was feeling yesterday! They were doing their job and working hard! So tonight was my last night of the stims and my belly thanks me. The 4 shots a day were definitely taking a toll and leaving me with a very sore stomach. They wanted to give me one more day to give some of the slower follicles a chance to grow more. They like to see them at about 16mm prior to the retrieval because it gives them the best chance of having a mature egg. I take the HCG shot tomorrow night which triggers you to ovulate and then the retrieval will be on Saturday morning. My hope is that best case scenario is all 7 will have an egg and they'll be able to fertilize 2-3. I'm not sure if I'll have anything to freeze. The dr. did not think so. So it is still a waiting game but I'm still moving forward which I am happy about. Just crossing my fingers that I'll have something to put back in next week!

I had an ultrasound and bw this morning. I left in tears....the nurse could only find 5 follicles and they didn't seem to grow at the rate expected given I am on the highest dose of stims they can give. What upset me too is that the nurse is doing the ultrasound. I really expect the dr. to be doing them. I had asked her about the possibility of the cycle being canceled and the way she reacted left me to believe there was a good chance. For them to go in to do a retrieval they like your follicles to at least be 16-18mm. Mine were behind. I left feeling defeated. I decided to call the dr. and speak with him directly. He called me back with more hopeful news. He said that my estrogen level went from 165 to 631 and the "response was promising". He told me that I had 3 follicles that were 10mm, 2 that were 9mm and one that was 8mm. He is hoping by my next appt on Wed. that they will grow to about 15 and they may trigger me with the HCG shot (this allows you to ovulate 36 hours later) on Thursday night with a retrieval on Sat. He wants to keep me on the same dose as well and said that the dr. will do my next ultrasound. This is his ideal situation but we'll have to wait to see what my body does. My hope is that I'll have 5-6 good follicles, that they will retrieve an egg from each and at least 2 will fertilize for the transfer. Everyone keeps saying it is quality over quantity and it only takes one. Today was definitely a more emotional day for me. It is hard for me to not be in control and the unknown is hard. Harder is knowing that this is what my body does and how it responds to the medication. I'm not sure trying IVF more than once will help because I do not have a good reaction to the stims. I know I am jumping the gun and need to stay positive for Wednesday. Things could make a turn and I may be on a good path. The waiting is the worst. On top of that I had to fight with the drug company to get the discount I was told I'd get. It felt like one thing after another today! I'm crossing my fingers. I need more baby dust!

I had a dr. appointment on Monday and they had difficulty finding my ovaries. They usually have trouble locating my left one because it tucks itself behind my uterus but this time the nurse had trouble finding both. The dr. had to come in and she had success.
I had another ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. While I am trying so hard to be positive and hopeful I thought that today would show more than it did especially with such a high dose of stims that I am taking. They found 2 small follicles on the right and 4 very small follicles on the left. The dr. said that given my past response to meds that she wasn't surprised because I am a low responder. From others that I've talked to they have had 15-25 follicles. I am just feeling down because I want to go in with the best case scenario. I understand that it only takes one egg. I am fearful that if I am only going in with a potential of 6 which may not all be viable that I may not have anything to transfer. I am continuing on the same dose and am scheduled to go back again on Monday. I'm continuing with the acupuncture as well. I think today is the first day in awhile that I've truly felt down. I still feel guilty for spending thousands of dollars without a guarantee and it's hard knowing my body is doing what it is doing. As my husband said if there was a guarantee everyone would be doing it...

All went well this morning. The hysteroscopy was clear. There was nothing in my uterus and the openings to my fallopian tubes were clear. I didn't have any polyps or scar tissue that he could see. For some reason he decided to do another endometrial biopsy which was a lot more uncomfortable than the first time...maybe because I wasn't prepared for it! It felt like he yanked my insides out! The hysteroscopy was definitely more uncomfortable than I thought it would be but didn't take too long. I think if it had I would have passed out! I felt a little light headed afterwards but they put you in recovery for 15 minutes to make sure you are all ok. I'm a little crampy but that is about it. So now I move forward. I stop the birth control pill tonight and go on Monday for my ultrasound and bloodwork and will start the micro Lupron.

My hysteroscopy is tomorrow morning. I am a little anxious but I don't think it will be too bad. Compared with everything else my body has gone through it should be able to handle this too!
I had my nurse consult last week. I take the birth control pill tonight and tomorrow and then I am done. I go on Monday, 9/8 for my first ultrasound and bloodwork and I start the micro lupron. She doesn't want me to be on Lupron the month before because it will shut down my system too much. The way she is doing it should prevent me from ovulating on my own and still allow them to "control" my system. On 9/9 I will start 600 ius of Gonal F. So I will have to do 4 shots total a day which I am nervous about. I am used to 2 a day but 4 sounds more daunting to me. I'll do a shot of the Lupron and 300 ius of the Gonal F in the morning and repeat this at night. My stomach is going to look like a pin cushion I'm sure! I should do the shots for roughly 10 days and then they will probably have me trigger with the HCG. 36 hours after the HCG shot I will go in for the retrieval. They will put me under and retrieve the eggs. They will fertilize the eggs (hopefully I'll have enough!) and they keep a watch for a couple of days. They will then transfer back the embryos that are viable by a process similar to an IUI (artificial insemination) and the waiting game (which I will assume is the worst part of this whole process) begins. 2 weeks to wait and they will do a bloodtest. I am continuing with the acupuncture and they will also have me starting the progesterone shots (I am used to the pill so this should be fun). It has to go in your muscle above your butt so my mom will probably help with this. Eric would be on the floor if I asked him to do it!
I am trying to be as mentally prepared as possible. I am trying not to think of the possibility of it not working because I am concerned about how I will get through that period. It is so difficult when you know in your heart of hearts that you were meant to be a mom and having to face the realization that it may not happen. It is hard for me to focus and think of anything else because in all honestly I just don't care about anything else right now.....
Please say a prayer...maybe more so for Eric than me because I know once I start those hormones he may need it more! ;)